Monthly Archive for October, 2009

Oct 23 2009

The Joy Diet ~ Wands, Spells, Insights

I finally found an apartment. I’ll be moving on Sunday. Living alone for the first time since I moved to the Bay Area. Wow. Talk about being smack dab in the midst of a rite of passage!

Each night for the past week, I’ve collapsed on my couch exhausted. Change is hard! What a better way to numb out than …

Harry Potter!

Last week a 17-year-old client introduced me to A Very Potter Musical on YouTube. Talk about fun!! I’ve been watching a few scenes each night, and it’s a blast.  Even though part of me cringes when Dumbledore gets sarcastic or Harry acts clueless (SO out of character), I appreciate the way the performers balance the parody with clear affection for the characters.

wandI’ve also managed to get out hiking — twice!! On last Sunday’s walk through Redwood Regional Park, I found an amazing twisted tree branch on the path. “A wand!” my friend Amy exclaimed. In that instant, with those two auspicious words, I had a flash of Joy Diet insight.

The Joy Diet is a book I’m reading with about 100 other women bloggers, led by the luscious Jamie Ridler. Each Friday we’re posting our thoughts about the latest chapter. I missed last week, and so luckily my “it’s a wand!” insight collapsed a few weeks’ worth of reflections into one convenient metaphor.

Here’s a summary of the last few week’s of the Joy Diet process:

  1. Desire: Name what you most want.
  2. Creativity: Brainstorm actions that bring you closer to what you desire.
  3. Risk: Take practical action that gets you closer to your goal.

And here’s an outline for a Five Paragraph Essay about My Fabulous Insight:

Main Idea: The wand is a perfect metaphor for the Desire-Creativity-Risk process.

Supporting Idea #1 — Before I use my wand, I have to know what I most want in this moment. It’s not about what I want some day in the future. It’s about what I want right now. (That’s been the toughest part of the Joy Diet process for me. I’m great at knowing my future goals; less fluent with identifying my desires as they ebb and flow through the day).

Supporting Idea #2 — If I’m going to use a wand successfully, I also need to know which spells are likely to get me what I want. Will a simple Accio spell suffice by summoning the object of my desire to me? Or will I need to go hard core with Crucio, and torture he-who-stands-in-my-way? (See a complete list of Harry Potter spells here.)

Supporting Idea #3 – No spell is going to work, though, unless I actually use it. Unless I stand my ground in the face of my fear, point my wand courageously, and utter those magic, irreversible words. That’s what risk is all about. Just doing it. Acknowledging that the action I take is scary but necessary. It might even fail.  But it’s a step. In the direction of what I most deeply desire.

OK. So in theory this is a cool idea. But what does it look like in practical action?

Well, this week I didn’t take any big risks. But I did take some small ones. Here’s my favorite story du jour:

As I was packing all my books for the move, I realized that it is time. Time to get rid of two sets of books that I haven’t looked at in years:  the Indian theatre play collection left over from my Fulbright days, and curriculum from my 2-year stint as a world history teacher.

A rush of nausea accompanied the decision (OMG!!!  I’m lopping off my limbs!!!  Losing a crucial part of my identity as scholar, teacher, and theatre buff!!!). But then I realized that those limbs have been hanging limp for a long time. I have a new set  that suits me much better: improv artist, entrepreneur, academic coach.

As I started packing the books, another desire bubbled to the surface: to send the books to people who will use and appreciate them. A few minutes later, I’d found an Indian theatre company in the Bay Area who said they’d happily take the play collection off my hands. And then I remembered that I could donate the curriculum to WCCHS, the charter school I helped found.

Yay! I’d named my desire to have space for new interests & passions and also give my old books to folks who will appreciate them. I got creative about researching a local Indian theatre company. And then I took a risk by packing up the books and offering them to the recipients before I could back out.

I love my new wand because its a tangible reminder of the desire-creativity-risk triad. Although I’m a pretty quirky gal, I’m not quirky enough to carry the wand with me wherever I go. But I’ll sure keep it on the altar in my new house.

And in the mean time, I’m figuring out cool spells (or are they charms?!) to help me through the next couple months:

  • Sonorus! (To make my voice loud & compelling enough that lots of people know about MuseCubes as a unique & inexpensive holiday gift option).
  • Wingardium Leviosa! (To create an easy, efficient process to make the MuseCubes and fly them out to customers).
  • Orchideus! (To inspire a constant flow of fresh flowers in my new apartment so that I’m surrounded by beauty during this challenging time of transition.)
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Oct 15 2009

The MuseCube Team Expands

MuseCubeManufacture1

The holiday season is right around the corner, and I have a goal to sell 500 sets of MuseCubes — 5 times the amount sold last year!

Problem is, I don’t have enough time, hands, or patience to make that many sets myself. I need help, and I need it soon!

Enter: Charles and Mariah. They are freshman at West County Community High School (WCCHS), a unique charter school in Richmond, CA of which I am a founder (and to whom I donate a percentage of the MuseCubes profits).

When I advertised for MuseCubes Assistants at WCCHS, Charles and Mariah were the first to send in resumes. I couldn’t be happier! They are bright, eager and thoughtful 14-year-olds. Charles is a boy scout and mows lawns; Mariah has made crafts at home with her mom. For both of them, it’s their first real job.

Yesterday we got together for our first work session. I told them that I’m depending on their creativity and problem solving to design more efficient manufacturing processes. They accepted this assignment with gusto!

As we rocked out to Green Day and Aerosmith (from Charles’ iPod), we painted Mod Podge and experimented. Forever the teacher, I talked to them about Henry Ford’s assembly line process, and we discussed whether it makes more sense to break up our tasks into parts, or have each person make an entire cube.

Here are a few things we learned:

  • For training purposes, it makes sense to make the whole Cube, so each person understands the entire process.
  • Charles likes making 3-at-a-time, and seems to be slightly faster than Gretchen’s 18-at-a-time process.
  • The hot setting on the hairdryer works better than the cold setting.
  • We’ll try the cottage industry approach, whereby each Assistant takes home a kit and gets paid for the Cube.
  • As excited as they are to work at their own pace at home, we had such a good time working together! Maybe when I drop by the school to pick up finished Cubes and drop off new kits, we’ll work for two hours together.
  • Charles & Mariah agree that if we had two more Assistants, we could be really efficient with an assembly line process. They’re going to encourage their friends to apply.

They’re going to see if they can drum up more assistants. In the meantime, I’m grateful to have a growing team of Assistants, so I can focus on marketing while they expand my inventory.

Get ready, folks! MuseCubes make great, inexpensive stocking stuffers at only $15 plus tax, and soon we’ll have plenty to go around.

MuseCubeManufacturing7 MuseCubeManufacturing6
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Oct 09 2009

The Joy Diet ~ What I Really, Really Want

Normally I’m a pretty good directions-follower. Scratch that. Really good!

On this week of The Joy Diet blogging group, however, I barely read the directions.  I just glanced at the title — Desire — skimmed the text, and dove right in.

Hence: the Spice Girls. It doesn’t get more empowering than “Let me tell you what I want, what I really, really want!” I’m listening to it over and over as I write this post. Zig-ah-zig-ahhhhhh!

~~~

At the end of our coaching session — when I was walking 16-year-old Annabelle to the lobby to greet her father –  I found out: she wanted to skip our next session.

Of course, she didn’t tell me. Her dad was the one who asked, “Hey, did you ask Gretchen about next week?”

Suddenly this confident, chatty young woman turned into a slouching, whimpering mess. “See, next week … there’s this famous actor … he’s coming … he’s going to speak … but my parents want me to see you …”

I interrupted. “Annabelle. It sounds like you really want something. Stand up straight, look me in the eye, and make your request!”

She did stand up straight. But eyes darted fearfully and leaky words slipped out over a pouty lip. “I wanna watch him speak instead of come see you. I’m sorry!”

“You never need to apologize for what you truly want,” I reassured with a smile. “I’ll see you in two weeks.”

As she slipped gratefully out the door with her dad in tow, I thought about my own difficulties claiming that which I truly desire. What a journey it is, to the realization that our desires are okay, legitimate, achievable.

~~~

In The Joy Diet, author Martha Beck urges us to get honest about our “pulse-pounding, grab-you-by-the-guts” yearnings.

Wow. Ok. So here goes.

If you read last week’s post about Truth, you know that I’m seeking new housing. You also know that this is a difficult transition.

My current house is a rambling craftsman on a quaint inner-city culdesac. Neighbors play banjo on front porches and hoola hoop with their kids in the circle.  My roommates are dear friends. The delicious Cole Coffee is close by…

In the nurturing embrace of this house, I finally — finally! — came home to myself.

I quit trying to be a teacher (a job that made me angry much of the time), and stopped my anxious search to find a life partner (in my frenzy, dating ceased to be very fun).  I invented the MuseCubes, began facilitating InterPlay, and started working with teenagers as an academic coach. In other words, I claimed my new, true identity as Passionate Woman Entrepreneur Extraordinaire.

Then the landlord sold the house. I have until November 1st to move.

Confession #1 – As sad as I am about leaving, I know that it’s time. I’m ready. I’m home, and I’ll take home with me wherever I go.

Confession #2 – Although my story is that I can only afford to live with roommates, my deep desire is to live alone in a lively neighborhood near friends.

Confession #3 – My grab-me-by-the-guts yearning is to have a bright, airy apartment with room for a home office (with space for MuseCubes to thrive), an open space for stretching/creativity/prayer, and an outdoor area. I want to live alone, but in a walkable neighborhood near friends.

Confession #4 – There are gremlins who hang out on my shoulders right below my earlobes. When I get close to naming my heart’s desires, their grumblings get more vociferous.  “You can’t afford that!” they hiss. “Be realistic. To be successful you have to sacrifice. Sometimes you can be so irresponsible!” Ouch. That last one really hurt.

Confession #5 – OK, Gremlins. Stop biting! I know you’re trying to take care of me. I refuse to believe that good things are scarce, but I do acknowledge the importance of clarity and planning. So let me also be clear about what I can responsibly afford. $800/month tops (ideally, this includes utilities and internet).

Confession #6 – In the midst of the Gremlins, I have this deep trust that I’ll find a space I love for the amount I can afford. It throws me off sometimes, this peace I feel. But as Martha Beck says, when we’re in touch with our true desires, we also know that “good things are abundant” and “life is about cooperation”. It’s my job to remind the Gremlins of this, from time to time.

*******News Flash*******

As I was typing this, I got a call from a potential landlord/homeshare situation. She told me that she’d rethought her offer; living together is not going to work out for some very practical reasons.

But here’s the crazy thing. She just happens to own a business manufacturing and distributing products; she also needs help organizing a room full of product samples. I love helping people organize their stuff, and I need advice about how to take get MuseCubes mass produced. Neither of us have the cash to pay the other, but we do have valuable skills we can trade. Huh!

So here I go, off into my birthday weekend (I turn 36 on Sunday). I’ll continue telling myself — and the world — what I really, really want — and trusting that it’ll show up, although perhaps in a form I never expected.

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Oct 03 2009

The Joy Diet ~ Fake Truth, Real Truth

Gretchen Grimmacing

Sorry about the gross picture.

But it can’t be helped. This week I’ve been telling the truth.

And the truth is not pretty. In fact, she can be pretty darn grotesque sometimes.

All this truth telling is related to the book The Joy Diet, which I’m reading with about 100 other bloggers. One chapter a week, we do the assignments that author Martha Beck suggests. Last time we had to do Nothing for 15 minutes a day. This week…

The Assignment

…we had to tell ourselves the Truth. She recommended the following series of questions as our primary Truth Excavation Tools (adapted from the powerful work of Byron Katie):

  • What am I feeling?
  • What hurts?
  • What is the painful story I am telling?
  • Can I be sure my painful story is true?
  • Is my painful story working?
  • Can I think of another story that might work better?

Writing Down My Truth

I discovered that I was much more able to tell the truth when I wrote it down; if I just thought about the truth, I easily got distracted.  Here’s what I wrote in my journal one night this week:

I am feeling sad, grateful, and anxious. My back hurts where my bed is digging in. My throat is itchy. My chest vibrates the way it does when I’m being honest.

The painful story I am telling is that I will not have community, friendship, or love when I move to a new apartment.  I am also telling myself that the stress of the move will keep me from focusing on MuseCubes the way I need in order to prepare for the holiday shopping season.

I cannot be sure these painful stories are true. They certainly do not work to bring ease and joy into my life.

Another story I could tell myself is this: I will have community, love and friendship in my new space; those are always available to me, no matter where I live.   I will find the perfect space to accommodate my MuseCubes and I will have exactly enough energy to nurture the business.

The Truth Made Physical

This approach to truth telling is pretty brilliant, if you ask me. The questions cut straight to the core of my hurt, and help me embrace a new, more joyful story.

But there’s a serious flaw to the process — my inner toddler is stubborn!!!  Most of the time when I’m stuck in my hurt, I don’t WANT to embrace the new, happy, glass-is-full story. In fact, I just want to kick all that positivity out the frickin’ window, screaming “Lies! Lies!!  I will NOT find a perfect new apartment and I will NOT have enough time for my business, and you can’t MAKE me!!!”

That’s where exformation comes in.  Exformation is the practice of doing something physical to release all the information — the too muchness! — that we collect throughout our days.

Once a month my friend Beandrea and I meet in her living room to witness each other’s exformation.  Exformation can look like a lot of different things, but for Beandrea and me, it’s a mini-performance. One of us sits and watches; the other stands in the middle of her living room and then spends the next ten minutes (or so) doing whatever we need to do to process our Too Muchness.

Yesterday I yelled, kicked, howled and flung my limbs in a chaotic, crazy dance. Yaaaaaaaaaaa! Bam!! Boom! Awooooooo!!!

Oh that felt good. And I felt soooooo calm at the end of it all.

It occurred to me that exformation is like the truth-telling process from The Joy Diet — only made physical.

What am I feeling? Kick! Growl! Blech!!

What is the story I’m telling myself that causes pain? Life is hard! Life is too much!!

What is a different story I could tell myself? Life is full, and I have all the resources I need to thrive in the fullness!! Growl! Zoom!!! Pfffffft.

Once I’ve released all my Pent Upness, I’m calm enough to actually hear, accept and integrate the reframed story.

Fake Truth versus Real Truth

My big aha! from this week is this: that we need to tell all our truths — the Fake ones and the Real ones.

The Fake Truth is my phrase for what Martha Beck calls “the painful story.” The Fake Truth in my journal entry (above) is that when I move next month, I am going to lose all the community, friendship and love that I experience in my current fabulous housing arrangement. Technically, that’s not true. But it feels true.

Until I let myself feel the truth of my pain about moving, I won’t be willing to accept the Real Truth: that community, friendship, and love are omnipresent in my life and are available no matter where I live.

Offer Compassion to Your Inner Lying Scumbag

Thank goodness that the road to joy is to love ourselves through both the Fake and the Real Truths.

I’m so appreciative of the final step in Martha Beck’s truth telling practice: “Offer compassion to your inner lying scumbag…to the parts of yourself that seem to deserve it least.”

Ahhhhhh. Yes. Thank you.

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