I just finished a coaching session with Amy, a high school junior who is a notorious procrastinator. Actually, most of my high school students are procrastinators; I’m starting to believe that this is just a natural part of being human! I’m mean, I notice myself procrastinating more often than not in my life (why else do the dirty dishes sit for sooooo long in my sink?).
The difference between Amy and many of my clients, however, is that she is completely distraught at the amount she procrastinates (most of the others just shrug it off). She goes to a prestigious college prep high school, and she wants very badly to compete with the brightest students. The fact that she put off her homework in favor of procrastinating really distresses her.
Tonight, I introduced her to the idea of desire versus obligation. “Can you notice when you’re doing homework out of obligation rather than desire? For example, I’m less likely to do the dishes if I tell myself I should do them. However, I’m more likely if I take a moment to imagine myself waking up to an apartment with a clean kitchen tomorrow!”
We then reflected about a biology presentation for which she “should” be preparing. “Can you be in touch with a desire around this presentation?” I asked. Amy thought for a moment, and then said with a clenched sounding voice, “Well, I really want to prove to myself that I can finally get something accomplished.” I pointed out that this sounded much more like obligation then desire.
She thought again, and then suddenly her whole face brightened. “I really want to make it into AP Biology next year, and doing a good job on this project will communicate to my teacher that I am ready for that class!” Aha! That sounded closer to a desire to me.
I pointed out that, although homework might seem to be an obligation, if she thinks deeply enough about it, she will probably locate a desire that will propel her to action more quickly than a “should”. And that desire is the feeling she can hold as she begins to do her homework.
Who knows if this will work?! I’m looking forward to seeing her next week so we can check in about it.
